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14 December 2009 @ 03:59 pm
What is the funniest thing you've ever said?  
I want to know! Reply with your answer; it can be something witty, stupid, or something so un-funny that it turned out to be hilarious.

I'll tell you the funniest thing I've ever said (that I can think of.)

One boring day, I typed "rapist" into the dictionary on my macbook's dashboard. This is what came up:


(That's right. According to Apple, women and children can't be rapists.)

So my friend says, "what's a woman rapist then?" and I replied "a woman would be a rapette, obviously."


I can't even tell you how funny I think that is. (And only later did I realize it could apply to children too. GOOD STUFF.)

So anyway, it's either that or one of the pedo jokes I know (I'll tell you them if you're curious and like to be offended.)
 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: The Prodigy
 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
The lecherous old man: SZS - lol lol lolyuri_san on December 15th, 2009 01:44 am (UTC)
Okay - the last one is more ephebophile than pedophile.

---

Q: What's the best thing about fucking twenty three year olds?

A: There are twenty of them.

---

A girl and a man are walking together at night in the woods..
The little girl looks up at the man and says "I... I'm scared."
The man looks at the girl and says "How do you think I feel?! I'm going to have to walk out of here alone!"

(there's a version of that with a clown that I think is creepier.)

---

Q: What's the difference between a 16-year-old girl and a washing machine?

A: A washing machine doesn't follow me around for two weeks after I drop a load in it.
(Deleted comment)
The lecherous old man: [sell soul]yuri_san on December 15th, 2009 08:27 am (UTC)
Q: What's shorter than a 3-year-old's attention span?

A: Her vaginal canal.
Sean: Bakura *smirk*winhall on December 15th, 2009 11:39 am (UTC)
lol @ the dictionary. ^^;;

I don't really remember everything I say to make people laugh (though I'm reasonably sure it's intentional on my part, most of the time XD). I once called yaoi the one-night-stand among anime, which made us laugh a lot at the time...
The lecherous old man: Remote Insertionyuri_san on December 19th, 2009 06:12 pm (UTC)
I think maybe yaoi is more like that friend you hook up with for sex every once in a while (and it could even apply because some people feel guilty and some just have fun???)

wow, I just thought about that for like 5 minutes. it does not deserve that much thought what the hell lol
Sean: Tamaki - Porn?winhall on December 19th, 2009 10:47 pm (UTC)
So yaoi is like the seme that just likes to fuck and shonen ai is the emotional uke? oOx
The lecherous old manyuri_san on December 20th, 2009 07:46 pm (UTC)
exactly
amaterasu08amaterasu08 on December 15th, 2009 12:25 pm (UTC)
\0/!
The lecherous old man: chiri kitsu - irritatedyuri_san on December 19th, 2009 06:07 pm (UTC)
/0\!
amaterasu08amaterasu08 on December 20th, 2009 03:05 am (UTC)
8D
The lecherous old manyuri_san on December 20th, 2009 07:45 pm (UTC)
D8
(Anonymous) on December 17th, 2009 02:13 am (UTC)
what is the best part of having sex with a 9 year old in the shower?

you can slick back its hair and pretend its a 6 year old
The lecherous old man: Rick Astleyyuri_san on December 19th, 2009 06:07 pm (UTC)
yeah, I always liked that one too.
~*Lucifer*~ Scumbag with a Vision: Robin's short pants.loony_lucifer on December 19th, 2009 03:44 am (UTC)
'Allo. I found you through your Po-ju gallery, and am going to add you because you post quite a lot of wonderful things.
The lecherous old man: ishida = ragdollyuri_san on December 19th, 2009 06:07 pm (UTC)
okay
thankyou
poisonpixelpoisonpixel on December 22nd, 2009 11:44 pm (UTC)
Your jokes suck, beat these:

A fireman runs into a classroom holding a screwdriver and yells: "Quick, everyone get out. This is not a drill!"
The lecherous old manyuri_san on December 23rd, 2009 01:24 am (UTC)
what do you call cheese that isn't yours?
nacho cheese.
(say it out loud)

+

What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.
poisonpixelpoisonpixel on December 23rd, 2009 01:40 am (UTC)
A woman was on her bed in the maternity hospital in labour. She was pushing and pushing, puffing and panting, all to the encouragement of the midwife. On her final push the midwife took the baby turned and headed to another room, on the way she dropped the baby on its head. "OH MY GOD, MY BABY!!!" cried the mother. The midwife turned to look at the mother and accidently stood on the baby's head. "JESUS CHRIST! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY" the mother screamed, tears pouring from her eyes. The midwife realised her mistake and lifted her foot off causing the baby to slide into the wall. "YOU ARE CRAZY! GIVE ME MY BABY" the mother shouted, getting herself into a state. The midwife then proceeded to pick the baby up and in one movement she threw it out the window. "OH MY GOD! I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT! YOU ARE INSANE! MY POOR BABY! YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON!" the mother screamed breaking down in tears. The midwife then turned and said "April fools, it was already dead."
The lecherous old man: SZS - lol lol lolyuri_san on December 23rd, 2009 02:00 am (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

oh god you win hardcore
poisonpixelpoisonpixel on December 23rd, 2009 02:28 am (UTC)
How do you know when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes like blood.

Hitler walks into a bar and says "I'm going to kill 6 million jews and 3 clowns". The bartender says "Why the 3 clowns". Hitler replies" You see, no one cares about the jews"

What does pussy taste like in a nursing home?
Depends.
The lecherous old man: Mine Milkshake Bringeth - Queen Liz Iyuri_san on December 23rd, 2009 02:57 am (UTC)
I like the last one.

I'm out of jokes. I definitely can't beat you at filthy offensive humor.

...I...I love you. \o/
poisonpixelpoisonpixel on December 23rd, 2009 03:07 am (UTC)
If you want to meet for casual sex and the loss of a virginity you are able to find me here: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/U___U

How do black women fight crime?
They get abortions

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
The lecherous old man: Shintaro Kago - Post Officeyuri_san on December 23rd, 2009 03:21 am (UTC)
"a virginity" meaning yours? lol
you live across the country from me. no dice.
also--and this is a lame thing to say--but holy shit you're cute. I like your profile. people say shit like that to me and I fucking hate it though, so whatever I will shut up.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

I'm making that my journal title.
poisonpixelpoisonpixel on December 23rd, 2009 03:26 am (UTC)
I never get those comments so I cherish them. <3
Yes, the virginity means mine.
I would expect at least one woman from the site to want to have casual sex but so far they are all too distant.
The lecherous old man: Ishida: full-time Quincy part-time modelyuri_san on December 23rd, 2009 03:34 am (UTC)
well for some reason I have never much liked compliments from the opposite gender. I assume there's some kind of sociological/psychological thing going on there that I haven't figured out.

maybe it's because you're so young? I'm sure I don't know. I've never used the site but there must be some way to draw attention to yourself just like every social networking site ever.
poisonpixelpoisonpixel on December 23rd, 2009 03:40 am (UTC)
I only created the profile last night so that also plays a part but I am sure you are right. I am easily mistook for an underage. Lots of females dislike members of opposite sex comments, I am really close friends with some girl online that only says she is a girl to prevent weirdo comments.